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Living In Your Letters

You Only Have To Smile And I Get Dizzy

Olivia Rae
5 February
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"For me it's not about the sound. It's not even really about what is said. It's about the feel. The instruments change, the sound changes, the words are different. It's the feeling that stays the same. It's as if your ripping something, this seemingly small piece of yourself, out and showing it to yourself for the first time. Trying not to hide in the dark, or let it go. Admitting to yourself all of the stupid things you've ever done. Feeling the shame burn you once more -but this time cathartic. Feeling all the lies you ever thought of stating burn across your tounge like acid, to spill unused, safely into nowhere. The honesty, brutal honesty, of words that could've meant something to someone when they mean nothing to you. It's the tragedy. Like I can't cry for myself so I will let this song take all of the things inside I can't let anyone else see and offer it up, as if the sound were some kind of god, and my pain is some kind of sacrifice. Each time I play a song, it seems more real. Each time I hear the feeling, the pain is less. I turn it up to drown me out. But it's gone past the actual distinguishable sound of the song. All I am aware of is my soul crying. Pouring all my pain out of my mouth like liquid from a bottle. I don't need it loud, to feel. I need it loud to feel comfortable enough to pour. How many people do you know can stand before a crying soul and actually give a damn?" - Robert Smith

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